Sunday, January 09, 2005

home improvement

torrential rain all day yesterday here at the farm, with D in tow. a ragged night’s sleep since there are no doors on the bedrooms here and she, up and down almost every hour, feeling sick. a companionable day followed. D had her Christmas present massage. I bought blinds for the windows that face the street, and a trip to the yarn store full of magical colors and textures on a whim of mine to knit again, which I never did well, or even completed, several lifetimes ago. D left in the mid-afternoon, to get away from her mother no doubt, in the same way that I embraced the aloneness of this house, still full of her, but mine again, to read masha hamilton’s newest book the distance between us, to sleep, to put up the blinds –a task which I abandoned but will take-up again this morning, trying to focus on doing it right rather than quickly, to silence the home-improvement demons who won’t stop telling me how bad I am at anything requiring a tool. I will try to work today; at least, to get some work-work done in anticipation of a chaotic house full of kids and their friends at home. I miss my pre-holiday routine of writing, working and being here by myself and long to have it back again.

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