Thursday, January 06, 2005

seeing the wise one

i see the Wise One this morning after a hiatus of more than a month. i am surprised that it has been this long, sitting in the second floor office where I have spent so many fifty-minute sessions over the past sixteen years, since D was two. Two! It is possibly the longest, and certainly the most intimate, non-blood relationship of my life.

About my parents, she says: “can you really accept that they are saying ‘this is the way we want to end it?’” There is nothing, she says, that I can do, beyond what I am already doing.

About JD, she asks me if I am surprised that he has disappeared again. A little, I reply. I describe my daily descent into loneliness and depression most days in the early evening, about the only time of day that I try to will him to appear. Think about it, she says. He has been drinking since he woke-up, and by 4pm is in high gear. He is unable to make a plan, or to stick to any agreements made.

I tell her that I kept my feet on the ground during and after my New Year’s Eve collapse. That is new; that is good. I also tell her of my new-found refuge in work.

I will write about her. But not today.

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