Monday, January 10, 2005

snow fog

facing the week. fighting lethargy. trying to step on my internal accellerator to get the work underway that needs to be done. i am seeing a client at noon today, and have a long list of other 'to do's' sitting at my elbow, breathing heavily. focus, i say to myself, focus. it is work that will save you. my father called a little while ago, as he always does around 8 in the morning. his voice was angry and hoarse. he had just spoken to my sister, whose husband, spiralling steadily downward in a vortex of manic depression and who knows what else, has moved out of their house and taken an apartment a few miles away. it is a tone of voice i recognize from long ago, when i was in the first throes of J leaving me and the kids for M, twenty years his junior. hurt, unable to control his rage, his fear for my sister and her daughters. the threat of emotional and physical violence hanging over, under, and in between it all.

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